WARNING: This is one of the most uncomfortable things to watch, ever.

You would think the opening statement of any debate would be the easiest, since you’ve got some notes jotted down right in front of you — not like you don’t also have notes about all your positions on all the hot items of the week on that piece of paper — that you can literally just read word for word. That’s not accurate, apparently, with Jan Brewer, Anti-Mexican Desert Queen of Arizona, who was doing her best impersonation of a white person that had been savagely beheaded by a group of Mexican alien drug terrorists. Get it? (more…)

discoverychannel_terrorist

ABOUT THAT WHOLE DISCOVERY CHANNEL SITUATION: Turns out it was, indeed, some “Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels” obsessed ecoterrorist. His name is James Lee, a crazy who has protested outside the building before and had been ordered by a court to never return to those premises. Gaze upon his rage:

The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!

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Did you know know that Michael Reagan, the eldest son of the holy spirit himself, literally makes a living off having that last name? Perhaps not but is it even surprising? Example: You can purchase your very own CONSERVATIVE EMAIL ADDRESS through his website for only $40 a year. Now you can have that xDONTtreadONmeX [at] Reagan [dot] com email name you’ve been yearning for for so damn long.

Well anyway, here’s a funny Twitter thing from this clown, all grammatically incorrect and ironic and what not, about how our elected officials don’t/can’t read thousands of pages of If’s, Of’s, By’s, and Thereunto’s. Disheartening, truly.

reagan_illiterate

[Michael Reagan's Twitter/Mediaite]

Tagged with:
 

Iowa Representative and 15 year old Macintosh computer, Steve King, has a dire warning for you! Well, it’s more of a POST-warning since it’s some rambling nonsense about the Affordable Care Act and since that’s already been passed there’s really nothing he can do besides scare the dickens out you and your elderly parents/grandparents till you all develop heart arrhythmias. Which sucks for you cause you probably can’t afford health insurance! Steve King still thinks that America has/had the best health care system in the world! In Steve King’s world price determines quality and that’s it, and in that case, yes, America’s health care was/is literally the best damn anything in the whole world, that has ever been. Besides bombing and occupying other countries. (more…)

Chase Whiteside of New Left Media is always putting together hilarious videos of teabaggers at teabagging rallies. And since this was the mothership of teabagging rallies — according to Michele Bachmann there were basically millions of people/Real Americans/people in scooter chairs at the event — he did exactly that. Just look at all these constitutional experts. Unfortunately for Chase Whiteside, and myself, Obama just cold shredded up the constitution and now he doesn’t have any first amendment rights so he probably won’t be able to make any more of these videos. Isn’t that correct, tea lady?

[New Left Media]

missionaccomplishedOBAMA’S ON THE TV, talking about Iraq, a ruinous wasteland with no laws or government. Weeee. So won’t you join me, in watching and making some jokes about the occasion? Which is the only way to do such things!

8:02 – Look at those drapes. Did Barry change the drapes with his socialist Oval Office remodeling scheme?? No?

8:04 – Oh, by the way, going with CNN for this because they have the most hilarious cable television news racket.

8:04 – DID YOU HEAR THAT? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! The war’s over and everyone is coming home and Iraq is fine now.

8:06 – The Iraqi people will have a strong partner in the United States; and by strong partner he means that we will forever be the sole reason that the country doesn’t plunge into chaos at any given moment. (more…)

Good journalism.Rick Sanchez, a goof, was doing his show today, discussing, in what was probably an inane manner, the greatest non-mystery of our time: a lot of Americans have little knowledge about anything. I mean, some people responded in a poll last week and think the president is a muslin. So yeah, I guess Rick Sanchez was born in the south, and with being born in the south comes a quite hilarious vocabulary of cute sayings and words which more often than not have at least a tinge of racial slur-iness to them. Like “cotton-pickin’!” (more…)

Over the weekend: The Million Slob March

SIGH

  • Who’s there to even say FOR SURE whether Barack Obama was born in the United States, or whether he was hatched from an Islamic extremist egg, brought up to be a harbinger of doom, indoctrinated into running for president of the US, shipped to America with a fake birth certificate, win the presidency, and pass into a law some provisions that would make health care more affordable and more accessible to tens of millions of people? Riddle me that, America! Oh, Barack Obama said it, again, and for the one millionth time, on the television. Also, he will not scotch tape his birth certificate to his forehead. Perhaps he thinks that if he did it would appease the wingnuts? Learned nothing, he has. [MSNBC] (more…)
 

Lookout! There is a giant Mexican behind you, JOHN!

[via TPM]

 

An failed exercise in democracy.Oh look, POLITICO put together a comprehensive agenda that the GOP would like to accomplish if they win back the House this November. Finally, awesome! Now we can see all the great ideas Republicans have to turn the economy around, make health care more accessible and affordable, and literally ruin old people’s lives by taking away their Social Security. SPOILER ALERT: Nothing substantive is actually discussed in this article. All they want to do is issue subpoenas and investigate every trivial, microscopic non-issue of the Obama administration, and some things that already happen constantly amongst both parties, because it is politics. Grats America; all your problems will be swiftly taken care of starting January 2011. (more…)