Everyone’s been talking about how Republicans are going to take control of the entire government this election in November, including the Presidency, but even though they’re not going to at all let’s assume they do. What are some of their policy proposals that are just gonna plain make Amurika the best god danged country in the world again? Well let’s see, uhm I don’t know, maybe WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE FOR THEM TO DO LIKE GIVE EVERYONE THEIR OWN PERSONAL AMUSEMENT PARK IN THEIR BACKYARDS. That’s right, the GOP, being the new face of hip and understanding technology, have launched AmericaSpeakingOut.com. It is the Facebook of saving your country.

Just go to it. Got a suggestion? Fuckin right it down on that shit. There’s lots of fun categories to choose from, like American Prosperity, American Values (NO ABORTIONS IN MY BACKYARD, THANKS), and How Best to Fire Michael Steele.

UPDATE: The site is now spewing errors all over the place, probably because the ideas were so fucking revolutionary. I mean LIBERAL HACKERS.

[Most Amazing Website Of All Time]

[BBC]

He can and will do anything he feels like with a look like that.

[VF Daily]

Not much else you can do besides find a way to turn your whole fucking truck into a giant, rolling World Trade Center tower.  Can we get on that?  Patriots?

Let’s see what the Youtube commenter’s have to say.

Despite the need for some penis emoticon improvements, I’d give this comment an A-.

[Daily Intel/Telegraph]

I was reading a Washington Post article about JK Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, being sued over potential plagiarism.  And then this picture happened.

The theme this time is SOVEREIGN DEBT.  Remember those words for you will hear them NON STOP on ALL news networks from now till forever.  You see, since the governments of all the world’s countries decided to save their economies by throwing money at things they were able to avert a grave economic depression but at the cost of large debts.  So now everyone’s worried about countries defaulting on these debts.  Basically, even if you don’t know anything about anything:  SELL, SELL, SELL.  Oh god, they almost had me there for a second.  Let me know when the silly market commotion is over so I can come out of my bomb shelter.

Look at what happened to GOLD.  The last bastion of economic freedom!:

[Business Insider/Google]

Yay!  For-profit-politics!  I hope everyone’s ready for 24/7 ads for all your favorite congressmen or potential congressmen during the 2010 midterms now that candidates will have millions of more dollars for funding!  Also, did I mention how horrible this all is?

But look who’s cheering!  Esteemed black guy and Republican National Committee chairman, Michael Steele!

“Today’s decision by the Supreme Court in Citizens United v. FEC, serves as an affirmation of the constitutional rights provided to Americans under the first amendment. Free speech strengthens our democracy. While the Court’s recognition that organizations have the freedom to speak on public issues and have their views protected from censorship is fundamental, the Court has now left an imbalance that disadvantages national parties in their ability to support their candidates. We need to encourage a vibrant debate on the issues, and not restrict the free exchange of ideas. Though there is still more work to be done, we are pleased with today’s ruling.”

Now let us watch as the corporate cock enters the American asshole.

[NYT/TPM]

These cave spiders, after piggy-backing their way on some scientists equipment which was being stored, have been living in an abandoned building for the past decade. Now some other scientists are relocating them back to their old stomping grounds.

Those brave men.  Make sure you check out their sophisticated spider catching equipment at 0:20.

photo from Wonkette

Blanchard said that on her doctor’s advice, she tried to have fun, including nights out at her local bar with friends and short getaways to sun destinations, as a way to forget her problems. She also doesn’t understand how Manulife accessed her photos because her Facebook profile is locked and only people she approves can look at what she posts. [CBC]

Creepy.

According to Randall Stross and the New York Times (well, The U.S. Patent Office), Apple applied for a patent last year that would, for the most part, force the user of a certain device to watch or listen to an advert while momentarily freezing the device making it so the user had no choice but to give their attention to the ad. Don’t even think about pulling a fast one on Apple either because you could even be quizzed on what you just saw, or forced to interact with the ad in a given amount of time when prompted to. Terrible, right?

Of course, this doesn’t mean that they are for sure implementing any of this, and on a more positive note, devices with this feature built in could then be sold at reduced prices.

I can’t wait till I get asked a couple questions about the Esurance ad I just watched right in the middle of my favorite Bearforce1 song on my new 700gb iPod Pro Touch Lite