A Republic! That’s the form of government we have, right here in America! Those of us that believe in this form of government — 11% or so, since last checking? — are commonly referred to as republicans (small r). But you know what people are also called republicans, but with a big-case R? Crass, ignorant degenerates like Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich, and also an entire half of modern American politics. That’s why The Swedish Republican Association, whose goal is to abolish the country’s monarchy, and which is made up of the country’s left-leaning parties, are considering a name change. (more…)
On 08.26.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
On 08.19.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
Did you know that the war in Iraq was the most smashing of successes? If you answered “No” then you are probably not an American. If you answered “Yes” then you are most certainly sad and frightened to hear that the combat mission, Operation Iraqi Freedom, is ending, formally, on August 31. Can anyone even remember a time when the United States wasn’t meaninglessly blasting civilians, and the occasional radical-muslin terrorist or two, away to hell in some foreign land? What will we have to feel completely oversaturated by and totally apathetic towards now, in this new era? (more…)
On 08.11.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
John McCain has suddenly become much more hip, for no reason at all, and it is strange. He went from being your typical, exceedingly old politician who was made fun of about his dying heart in regard to his inept running mate potentially being president, to making weird twitter sext messages to Snooki, girl from Flyover Country, USA who plays an obese prostitute on the MTV hit show Jersey Shore.
It started when The Snooki appeared at a giant circle jerk called the MTV Movie Awards in which she said something along the lines of not being able to enhance her melanoma due to Barack Hussein Obama’s 10% socialism tax on tanning via beds. She said that John McCain would never have done something like this, because he is old and gross and pale, unlike Barack Obama who is a young black man. John McCain (actually, his hired Twitter aide) Twitter’ed @ snooki saying that she was right. (more…)
On 08.03.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
Every couple of weeks — hell, probably days — some Republican congressperson trumps up some non-issue to really rile up their white, nativist base. Today’s pressing matter: the ever divisive citizenship clause of the 14th amendment, which states that anyone born in el Estados Unidos is automatically a citizen of el Estados Unidos. What with all the attention and wingnuttery over that Arizona anti-immigration bill, the GOP has taken a hard stance on everything Brown, including things that aren’t inherently Brown in nature, like birthright citizenship. That’s why baby-faced goo alien Mitch McConnell said that he’d be open to holding hearings and reviewing the merits of this constitutional amendment that has been in place since 1868.
You know who else also hates Mexicans a lot right now, thanks to midterm election politics? John McCain! Weeeee (more…)
Is it True That For Every 1 Mexican That Crosses the Border Illegally, 1 White Virgin Gets Beheaded?
On 07.16.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
Oh, the horror! The awful brutishness of these Mexicans that have been pouring over our sacred American-Mexico border completely unabated. It’s a time when “the border’s never been more dangerous x1000.” Just over the past couple weeks we’ve heard of kidnappings, murder, corpse raping, and BEHEADINGS out in the Arizona desert. All of which have been committed by those American job stealing Mexicans — god, all those great lettuce harvesting jobs that every American would definitely do. Of course none of these things really happen and are just night terrors that racist, conservative governor, Jan Brewer has every night. (more…)
On 06.21.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
This is an incredible find. It’s also kind of incredible how long it took for this to pop up??? J.D. Hayworth, ultra conservative ex-radio hate broadcaster, is a man of small government! We all know this because in his race to steal John McCain’s senate seat — which is basically his own personal property — he’s been running all sorts of mean ads against him talking about how John McCain is pro-chips and salsa, pro-TARP, pro-stimulus, and anti-forcing kids to pray to Jesus in school. John McCain isn’t a real American. (more…)
On 06.15.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
Important military man, General Supreme Commander of United States World Occupational Forces David Patraeus, decided to just take a nap during a period of pointless verbal meandering by John McCain, which is not new, on whether we will be able to begin pulling out of Afghanistan by July of 2011, the end of the 10th year of our stay in this area!
He returned about 30 mins later but John McCain was so disturbed by the sight of a man in uniform showing signs of weakness, evidenced by that little jump, that he sent Patraeus home for a week.
[NYT]
On 05.27.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich
Here’s Steve King, a Representative from Iowa, who gets to be on television all the time for being such a dingus. What are you up to today, Steve King? Oh, just claiming that Mexico wants to steal the southwest United States? Reasonable.
I say let em have at it if they really want it. What are you we gonna be missing out on? A couple balls of Saturday morning cartoon tumbleweed and John McCain, the oldest man in the United States.
On 05.25.10, In Politics, By Matt Markezich
John McCain is so mean! Look at him straight call J.D. Hayworth, the slightly crazier version of John McCain, an idiot in this ad that might or might not be on television in Arizona.
Yeah that is pretty stupid. I’ll give you this one. Why can’t you just not be stupid for a little while longer, J.D. Hayworth, and provide all of us with the funniest story of the decade: John McCain loses primary to batshit wingnut radio host.
[TPM]
On 05.10.10, In Politics, By Matt Markezich
New, ex-Maverick, John McCain is so much funnier than the old John McCain, who was at times semi-reasonable. But this new guy — PHEW/whoa, someone get him on a stage! Here’s the latest ad in John McCain’s ongoing quest to be seen as the most conservative, fringe-dwelling, maniac in existence. You know, for reelection purposes. Etc. (more…)