Tea Party

A Tea Party Coup de Hilarant in Maine

On 08.06.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich

This banner was made from the sweat and tears of all those that died defending our freedoms. Also, in about 5mins with MS Paint. SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO THE MAINE TEA PARTY. SEND HELP. WHY IS NO ONE SENDING HELP?!

There has been a coup in Maine! Amy Hale, leader of one of the biggest wingnut coalitions in Maine, the Maine Patriots, has had their website taken over. Presumably by Chinese Communists, or their American counterparts, liberals. She posted a message to the site that stated she had been cornered in a parking lot by 10+ people who demanded that she give over control of the website or bad things would happen to people, and that she “no longer has control of Maine Patriots.” Then she typed “KWSSSH-KT….” to indicate radio static leading to silence, because everyone involved thinks they are playing Army Soldiers and that they are children. (more…)

Bob Inglis Would Like to Tell You Some Hilarious Stories. Come, Sit Down for a Moment.

On 08.04.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich

teabagger Rep. Bob Inglis of South Carolina, who lost his June primary to some dingbat named Trey Gowdy, is now touring the country and doing interviews with Mother Jones — mainly just doing interviews with Mother Jones — to tell everyone how hilarious the GOP is becoming thanks to its teabagging base. This is a classic case of sore loser syndrome, but he should be forgiven for this because his stories are just wonderful. Bob Inglis learned something in the years following his stint on the House Judiciary committee in the 90s. Something about the 9th commandment (yes, commandment). That is the one about not telling blatant lies to ignorant people who will definitely believe what you’re saying, I think. Unfortunately for Inglis, modern day conservative Christians know little of their cave deity’s teachings, let alone who Moses was or what his rock etchings said. (more…)

Tagged with: 2010 • Bob Inglis • primary • Tea Party • Trey Gowdy • wingnuts

Colorado Republican Steals Words Out of a Whole Nation’s Mouth, Would Like Those Teabagger Dumbasses to Shut Up

On 07.26.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich

Potential Republican nominee for Senate, Ken Buck, who is also probably the worst Tea Party candidate of all time — which isn’t to say that he’s the most insane, but rather he’s just not good at it, at all — has been caught on a secret, evil, liberal spy cam that was being operated by an evil, liberal, “Democratic Operative”, saying of his dear Tea Partiers, “Will you tell those dumbasses at the Tea Party to stop asking questions about birth certificates while I’m on the camera?”

Hahaha, why doesn’t Tea Party nutcase candidate for US Senate Ken Buck want to say, out loud and into a microphone and on camera, that he’s pretty sure President Obama is actually a Kenyan national and that him getting elected is the result of a lifetime long subversive plot against the United States? I doubt it could hurt his zero percent chance of winning in the general election too much. (more…)

Tagged with: birtherism • birthers • Colorado • Ken Buck • shut up • Tea Party • teabaggers

Liveblogging Rick Barber’s New Internet Video (SPOILER ALERT: IT IS STUPID)

On 06.28.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich

The last time Rick Barber made an internet video he got called out pretty hard on how stupid he was. Realizing now how stupid he was, he performs this next act which is now synonymous with right wing politics: attempting to justify his stupidity in a coherent manner, which ultimately falls short. Let’s watch and learn. (more…)

Tagged with: Abraham Lincoln • ad • George Washington • Rick Barber • slavery • Taxes • Tea Party • um

Study Shows Fascinating AND NEW Things About Teabaggers. Just Kidding

On 06.02.10, In Uncategorized, By Matt Markezich

amensty NEW POLITICAL THEORY ALERT: Angry, white, lower/middle class teabaggers feel disenfranchised from politics and hold the feeling that they are never being properly represented because when the party they vote for is in power that party doesn’t actually do anything for them, because they don’t really care about them, and when the other party, The God Hating Liberal Queers, is in power they’re too busy spending all their time watching television that tells them The God Hating Liberal Queers are ruining the country and ethnically cleansing average white people to notice all the stuff that’s being passed with them in mind.

DID I WIN? Did I successfully and correctly combine the underlying theme of all Tea Party theories that have ever existed and will ever exist? (more…)

Tagged with: just kidding • POLITICAL THEORY • poll • stupid people • Tea Party • teabaggers • wingnuts

This future time-version of Newt Gingrich didn’t warp back far enough. Or something

On 04.23.10, In The World goes 'round, By Matt Markezich

newtgingrich_aliens Slimy turd and former speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, made the staggeringly bold prediction that eventually — SOON, even — the Tea Party will become more like the “militant wing of the Republican party.” Which forcefully ejects everyone in the whole world’s perception of what the Tea Party already is! NOW WHAT?

Gingrich said that the Tea Party movement is a “natural expression of frustration with Republicans and anger at Democrats,” the York Dispatch repots. However, he said that it would not turn into a third-party movement, but is instead “more likely to end up as the militant wing of the Republican Party.”

Picture is of Newt and fellow Other Worldlings of planet Fuckingoblivious.

[York Dispatch via TPM]

Tagged with: militants • Newt Gingrich • Tea Party

Geico Commercial Guy: And now he’s fired

On 04.22.10, In News, By Matt Markezich

That guy on the Geico commercials who informs you after the funny lizard segment that 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on your car insurance ALSO likes to leave conservative political action groups hilarious and offensive voice messages! Here’s a message he left Freedom Works last month asking, quite nicely, how many retards the company employs and what they plan on doing when one of their retard employees or retard followers actually kill another person. HA.

But then Geico fired him. Because everyone at Geico is a secret teabagger, obvs.

[Washington Post]

Tagged with: fired • Freedom Works • Geico • Tea Party

“Is Sen. Lindsey Graham gay?” asks wingnut at South Carolina Tea Party rally

On 04.19.10, In The World goes 'round, By Matt Markezich

(warning: video is loud)

Whoa boy, lookout. Them South Carolinians had themselves a good old fashioned Tea Party today. Highlights from the event include, but are not limited to, former Rep. Tom Tancredo calling for President Obama to be sent back to Kenya, and the above clip of some asshole — tolerant asshole — questioning whether or not Sen. Graham is actually a closet homosexual.

I’m a tolerant person. I don’t care about your private life, Lindsey, but as our U.S. Senator I need to figure out why you’re trying to sell out your own countrymen, and I need to make sure you being gay isn’t it.

Conservatives have reason to suspect that Mr. Graham likes to put his penis in other men’s assholes because he talks to liberals, and in fact, is currently working with a few of them to craft a Cap and Trade climate bill that could make it through the Senate. How fucking gay.

“Lindsey, god damnit, listen to me. I need to make sure you aint sellin’ out your fellow Carolinians and Americans because you’re a fuckin’ gay queer, alright? If you are, hey whatever — it aint my business — but just go ahead and give me a call if that happens to be the case, alright?”

[TPM]

Tagged with: gays • Lindsey Graham • South Carolina • Tea Party

Can April 15th be “Adopt a Wingnut Day”?

On 04.15.10, In Politics, By Matt Markezich

teaparty_backtokenya Today we celebrate the 15th of April, the day of Due Taxes And Government Oppression. Hopefully all of you submitted your shit, unless you want Barack Hussein Obama to personally come throw you in jail for the rest of your life, you fucking tax evader.

Anyway, let’s celebrate by looking at the organization of America’s brightest. The Tea Party, obviously. This group came into notoriety sometime last year in protest to the stimulus package that was passed by Congress in order to keep the entire country from slipping into economic depression. For being Patriots, I mean! One of their first major rally’s was actually held on this exact day last year! What a coincidence! The New York Times tells us how the present day Tea Party compares to the Tea Party of old, basically. (more…)

Tagged with: April 15 • poll • Tax Day • Taxes • Tea Party • teabaggers • wingnuts

CNN’s Erik Erickson asks “Why?”

On 03.31.10, In Politics, By Matt Markezich

erikerickson Erik Erickson of hell-nightmare website Red State, who was recently hired by CNN for JESUS KNOWS WHY, writes, “why do liberals suck and why are they so mean?” This extremely convenient article is a gigantic horseshit ramble that was inspired from a blog comment, which is now normal and professional. I think. (more…)

Tagged with: delusional • Erik Erickson • Red State • stereotypes • Tea Party • teabaggers